WALT add supporting detail/ideas to our writing
WALT write a range of correct sentence types
During the holiday, I went to the beach with my friends. We saw there was a volleyball net. We asked a family if we could borrow their volleyball. We played volleyball for about an hour then had some lunch. Before we went home, we gave the volleyball back to the family. I had a lot of fun at the beach with my friends.
Read this simple recount.
What do you notice about the recount?
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I noticed that Miss West did not include all of her senses (Smell, hear, taste, feel and sight). She only used what she could see an most of her writing had he same word ‘WE’. Miss West didn’t use very much detail either.
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What could we add to this recount to make it more detailed?
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Add words like ‘sandy beach’ instead of just beach. Words like ‘delicious lunch’ or ‘tickling sand’.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edit this recount above to make it more detailed:
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During the holiday, I went to the sandy beach with my friends.
We saw in the far distance there was a volleyball net. We asked a family if we could borrow their volleyball.
As my hands caught grip of the volleyball I felt the substance of it melting in my hand. I threw it in the air and hit it.
As I waited for the ball to come back my way I could smell the salty water shifting back and fourth.
What could we add to this recount to make it more detailed?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Add words like ‘sandy beach’ instead of just beach. Words like ‘delicious lunch’ or ‘tickling sand’.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Edit this recount above to make it more detailed:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
During the holiday, I went to the sandy beach with my friends.
We saw in the far distance there was a volleyball net. We asked a family if we could borrow their volleyball.
As my hands caught grip of the volleyball I felt the substance of it melting in my hand. I threw it in the air and hit it.
As I waited for the ball to come back my way I could smell the salty water shifting back and fourth.
Before we went home, we gave the volleyball back to the generous family. I had a lot of fun moments at the beach with my friends.
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